The Questions I Ask Myself...

This is what I think about when I'm sitting at my computer, a solitary being in search of company yet finding none. I don't have a story idea in my head, my Facebook home page has zero friends chatting, my email Inbox is so bare it reminds me of an old West ghost town just before the gun fight. Even the occasional spam I receive from some obscure catalogue company I purchased something from eons ago wants nothing to do with me.

In other words, I've got zilch, nada, rien, nichts...

I ask myself the great, profound WHY on such occasions. (These are also some of the questions I ask myself when I am sleep deprived or if Winter has gone on too long and the stir-crazies have set in.)

1. Why does "seven minute" icing take so much longer than seven minutes to make?

2. Why do I talk to the television or my dog or the refrigerator when I know they're not really listening?

3. Why do I take offense at blonde jokes when I'm not even naturally a blonde?

4. Why does my crummy vacuum NOT suck?

5. Why doesn't anyone else notice when I'm having a good hair day?

6. Why do I love to watch the Food Network when I hate to cook?

7. Why does my dog love my husband? (P.S. He never wanted her in the first place.)

8. Whatever happened to Mrs. Clean? Or for that matter, the Burger Queen?

9. Why do I assume my children will take a hint?

10. If you leave your heart in San Francisco, does it really matter where the rest of you goes?

11. Why do I check the fat grams in Krispy Kremes?

12. If we all wore sunglasses, would we still see eye to eye?

13. Does the Postmaster General oppose the war?

14. Why don't they have Queen size candy bars?

15. Why do they say black swimsuits are slimming when I weigh the exact same amount after putting one on?

16. Why do middle-aged people not look so old to me now?

17. Why doesn't Smiths have a Coin Star for Legos or Hot Wheels? (I'd be rich!)

18. Who invented the word Google?

19. Why do medication disclaimers sound worse than the original disease?

20. Why do my children always think that an ironic twist is a wedgie from a younger sibling?

There they are...those embarrassing, unanswerable questions I sometimes think about. If they serve no other purpose, they at least remind me to smile and remember that life isn't always serious and duty-filled. It is often absurd and laughable. That's a good thing to remember when we live in the times we do.

As they say, "Keep that sense of humor!"

Maybe an empty-headed day at the computer once in a while is beneficial, if it helps me keep my perspective. And gives me a free moment to listen to my six-year-old playing with his action figures in the next room.

Every grey cloud has a silver lining, right?

Or maybe two.