All I ever wanted was to be an opera singer. Between the ages of 10 thru 25, I was consumed with this desire. I took bel canto lessons and practiced hours and hours each day. During high school, I earned honor credits with the musical training I received off campus and I went to college, on scholarship, in hopes of earning a vocal performance degree.
As an adolescent, I would shut myself in our family room, crank up the stereo, turn off the lights, sit on the naugahyde sofa, close my eyes, and listen. Just imagine the allegro con brio from Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Or Chopin's Heroic Polonaise in A flat major. Tears on my cheeks, I wanted to absorb the music into my soul. I heard passion, hope, sorrow, and triumph. I wanted to sing like that.
Dreams don't always mesh with reality, however. I wasn't Beethoven or Chopin. I loved to sing, but I absolutely loathed performing. I enjoyed learning arias in French, Italian, and German, but I hated doing recitals. I had natural talent and a good ear, but my musicianship wasn't great. In short, the future I had hoped for during the first half of my life changed. In my junior year of college, I switched my major to English Literature. Why? Because I loved books as much as I did music. The Romantics, Victorians and Transcendentalists especially.
Today, I still sing. For my mother, husband, and children. Sometimes in church. Writing now fulfills the need for self-expression that I thrived on as a vocalist. Even better, I can write and no one has to look at me out on a stage. At last I've found my niche! But old habits die hard. After finishing a writing exercise this morning, I clicked on my iTunes music library, turned up the volume on my computer, laid my head down on the smooth surface of my desk, closed my eyes, and listened. Jessye Norman's Amazing Grace. Pavarotti's Nessun Dorma. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Masterpieces all. In them, there is longing, joy, genius. I thought to myself. How do I write that? Be like that?
Now Robert Browning's ghost almost whispers, "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for?"
Have you ever heard a piece of music or seen a painting or photograph and then wanted to capture it in writing?
P.S. Is it just me or does Beethoven look a little like Simon Cowell?
Definitely! In fact, here in London the National Gallery has Friday evening concerts in one of its galleries. One of the pieces I heard there matched the art-work perfectly.
ReplyDelete"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for?"
ReplyDeleteLove that quote. Experienced that sensation just earlier today when I couldn't quite reach what I was grasping for.
(Hah! And the word verification was "straw". Get it? Like grasping for straws?...ugh.)
Beautiful post Roxy. I feel like that, and then sometimes feel so small to even think of trying to put words to something I feel so much for. But I guess that's the point behind your quote, which I love :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you know he does look like Simon. Weird!
I think that is such a cool thing that you wanted to sing so much, you are a woman of many talents!
Wonderful post! I can see you as a youth turning off the lights and turning up the music. Very touching. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right, he does look like Simon.
I am a musician and a writer. I find it an exciting challenge to describe music with my writing. Not always easy. Have you read Bud, Not Buddy? Christopher Paul Curtis is able to describe music, movement, sound, experience through his writing. I want to be able to do that.
ReplyDeleteGive Beethoven a hair cut and put him in a T-shirt and he may look the part of Simon! You have created a self- portrait in words; your head on your desk, eyes closed, listening to music you love. You've created a mini sketch with words. The tune can be imagined; an aria and your mood is one of creative inner reflection. Joy! Really!!
ReplyDeleteMany of my story ideas have come to me through music. I also love to sing. Great post!
ReplyDeleteIt must be marvellous to have such a gift, even if it is only friends and family who enjoy it..
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I've suspect if I'd been more intensive with music I would've had a path very similar to yours, though probably for opposite reasons. I hated the discipline of learning music, but loved performing, especially with groups. There's something really magical about blending voices and stirring up the energy of a crowd simultaneously. But those highs seemed few and far between.
ReplyDeleteWith writing, the highs feel as energizing but the discipline parts are not quite as chafing for me.
Oh, yes, I am inspired by art of all kinds, whether visual or performance art. It's so amazing that you studied opera, and, although, I never would have made that connection between Beethoven and Cowell, you are spot-on!
ReplyDeleteI can completely identify with you on this post. I spent my high school and college years learning and training fr a career as a floral designer. I wanted nothing more than to open my own business and specialize in wedding design, my favorite and become the most sought after florist in town. But yeah, dreams do change sometimes. I started writing seriously (I'd always written, just never with the intent of actually showing it to people) and I was amazed at how quickly the passion had swept through my soul.
ReplyDeleteBut, there are times when I miss designing. When I go to a wedding or see people planning...I miss it and wish I could go back for just an hour...enough time to create a dazzling bride's bouquet. :)
yes! i am a historical fiction author (my first novel is being published by touchstone/simon and schuster next year) and i have felt elated and then frustrated and then elated throughout the process of capturing real lives in fictional amber. i never feel as if it is finished enough.
ReplyDeletei envy anyone who can sing!
Loved the quote. Although I'm not sure I can look at Beethoven or Simon Cowell in the same way again. :)
ReplyDeleteAll the time! That's how I got my wip. =) And yes, he does kind of look like Simon. Weird!
ReplyDeleteRoxy, Beethoven does not look like Simon Cowell! (Although I'm told Beethoven was a very grumpy and mean person to many.)
ReplyDeleteHaving said that I'm amazed and thrilled to hear that you're into opera. I've always been a classical music girl but I never studied singing or music itself. I just like what I like because I do. It draws me in.
Have you heard of Michael J. Vaughn? He writes novels and opera is one of his favourite themes in his writing. He's thinking of releasing his latest book as an audio book so you can hear the opera in the novel. You should check him out.
Jai
Oh geez, Jessye Norman is amazing isn't she??
ReplyDeleteI wanted to be a musician for a long time, too. Pianist or guitar player, maybe rock singer. I was fine on stage, but I wanted it to come to me too easily, and I didn't want to practice.
That's how I knew that writing was it for me, rather than music. I WANT to write ALL the time. But yes, I still LOVE music (I have that same reaction you're describing when I listen to Vivaldi!) I always want my writing to evoke the same emotion.
I would love to hear you sing opera, even though I know it would make you nervous! :)
If I'm being honest, Beethoven looks like an old Simon Cowell.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your love and commitment to singing. I never would've guessed. It's funny to look back at who we thought we'd be and what our passions were in high school and what we actually wound up pursuing.
Music inspires my writing all of the time!! And that guy does look a little like Simon. haha. :)
ReplyDeleteLove Opera so much! I find it soothing and inspiring. Love your blog, love the essay! I'm a playwright and a performer - although I love performing, I have worked with a few that were a nervous wreck and just hated it, so I get it. But do keep singing!
ReplyDeleteI thought I'd spit a mouth full of chamomile upon the computer screen when you said Beethoven looked a bit like Simon C.! *snicker*
Absolutely. I adore Bach & Beethoven. If I'm running a little short on passion I listen to Smetana's Má Vlast or Puccini's La Bohème. I can't write with music playing, though, I'm too consumed by it. Art also inspires me. My present WIP was inspired by a Cézanne still life I saw at the Musée d'Orsay.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I do see a little of Simon in Ludwig. :)
KD Lang's performance of Hallelujah at the opening of the Olympics was the most recent piece of music that touched my soul. She sang right through me. Amazing.
ReplyDeleteGreat post - I really agree with you on the performing part - yuck!
This is why when I out up my recordings on my blog it fills a fun desire to sing without having to be seen. So cool that you are so trained! But I agree that finding some way to be expressive is crucial to the soul.
ReplyDeleteLOL about Beethoven. He actually does look like Cowell!
Beethoven does have that same mean look in his eyes! He was a brooding man.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you wanted to be an opera singer! Wowee. :)
Thanks for your comment on my blog. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your three chapters with WiDo.
ReplyDeleteMoonlight Sonata is one of my favorites. What interesting characters those great composers were.
Classical music and literature do so much go hand in hand.
Keep singing.
Awwww!! I'd love to hear you sing!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou woman of many talents - I'm so impressed! I can't hold a tune to save my life and if there is one skill I'd love to have is to be able to sing in tune! LOL!!
There are always pics and images I come across that just inspire me to create stories out of them. It's such a fun thing to do!
Take care
x
I so enjoyed this post. And yes, he does have the Simon scowl, doesn't he?
ReplyDeleteI tagged you over at my blog, btw.
Happy Thursday!
You betcha! In high school, several of us drove to the town lake after band practice to watch the sun set. Now, with my young children in tow, I still love watching the sun set over the lake. That is one place I would definitely enjoy writing about.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great Thursday, Roxy. I left an award for you over at Head in the Clouds. Tory
What a great post! My mom sang opera in her younger years, even appeared on some recordings. Eventually, she traded in her own performing for teaching junior high English and teaching voice/piano lessons out of our house. I am innately familiar with songs I wish I could capture in writing.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful. It takes a special talent to sing opera and do it well. I was an actress once upon a time. But I find writing is my passion.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post ... and, yes, music often has that effect on me. Simon Cowell ... love it!
ReplyDeleteMusic does inspire. Almost everything I do has a soundtrack (mostly in my head, sometimes the radio/ipod helps). Writing my current WIP? Muse, all the way (and I insist on the fact that I knew them BEFORE Twilight came out!!). Bake a cake? PCD or The Chick Flick Sountrach (hehe). Daydream? Massive Attack.
ReplyDeleteI try to avoid classics in my soundtrack of life, they mostly make me cry (too beautiful by far).
"Have you ever heard a piece of music or seen a painting or photograph and then wanted to capture it in writing?"
ReplyDeleteGod, yes! All the time! Once it was flash fiction based on a rock song (published that one, which was awesome). Once it was a blog post based on a symphonic metal song. Music just eviscerates me sometimes. I can't, can't live without it.
And I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who turns classical music up as loud as it can go. (Nessun dorma's one of those that NEEDS to be cranked, natch.)
Roxy, what a great post! I feel that way when I look at paintings by the great Impressionists or Renaissance masters. All that genius, beauty, creativity rolled into one.
ReplyDeleteHappy writing!
I've tried to capture a painting or a song in my writing. I like to think that I give the full effect, but I've seen it done really well in other people's writing.
ReplyDelete"Have you ever heard a piece of music or seen a painting or photograph and then wanted to capture it in writing?"
ReplyDeleteALL the time! Mostly with pictures though, it's very very rare I get so inspired with music. They usually just supplement my writings. I think over half of my story ideas started with a picture.
I think you already know I'm a music nerd. I studied voice a little, too. Ah, Nessun Dorma. I agree. I think Pavarotti's rendition is the best. Sometimes I wonder if I should have changed my major to English like you did. But studying music gave me the ability to do music as a hobby, at least, and you don't need a degree in English to write novels, so I'm OK for now. Every now and then, I still wonder if my life would have been any different if I'd studied writing instead...
ReplyDeleteYou, my dear, are an old soul. And positively delicious.
ReplyDeleteBach and Simon's similarities are in the scowl. Probably a European thing.